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How to Know You are in Abusive Relationship

Abusive can come in many forms. This include;
1. Sexual abuse: This happens when someone another force another into unwanted sexual activity especially through threats or coercion. This is very common form of abuse in our society. Unfortunately few of the victims abused talk about it.
2. Emotional and verbal abuse: These involve angry outburst, withholding of emotional responses, manipulation coercion or unreasonable demands. Verbal abuse is often insulting and humiliating, with the objective of making fun and ridiculing the targeted person. This may include yelling,making threats and mocking the person. Emotional abuse may include verbal abuse and the abuser taking control over life of the person being abused. In brief emotional abuse involves deliberate hurting of someone feelings on purpose.
3. Physical abuse: This occurs when someone physically hurt another. This include hitting or throwing objects to another.

Studies indicates that abusive friends have common behaviours which one observe and judge if the relationship is abusive or not. These behaviours include:
1. Severe mood swings or frequent bad moods. Such a friend is happy one moment and next they are pounding a fist and throwing a tantrum.
2. Humiliate and belittle friends with aim of hurting them emotionally. They accuse or abuse in front of others.
3. Act jealously and prevent a friend interact or speak to other people purported to be friends. The abusive friend see others as a threat for the relationship. They tend to feel insecure in their relationship.
4. Controlling in a relationship. The controlling behaviour is manifested by frequently calling their friend with aim of finding our where they are and with who or frequently checking the friend mobile phone to read texts and any other information shared with friends.
5. Treat a friend like a property rather than a person of value.
6. They abuse alcohol or drugs and pressure a friend to take them against their will.
7. They keep threatening to break the relationship or keep accusing the friend of planning to break with them
8. They have a habit of bragging about mistreating other people.
9. Believe men should be in control and women should do what they are told.
10. They use or own weapons or have a history of violence especially fighting.
11. They may have trouble controlling their tempers.
12. They harm friends physically by slapping, punching or kicking.
13. Frequently keep on threatening to harm a friend or engage in self harm if the friendship /relationship breaks
14. They tries to control different aspects of their friend's life. Like how one dresses, who to hang out with and even what to say in certain circumstances.
15. They pressure a friend to have sex or force one to do sexual things against ones wish. They keep saying if you truly love me ...................
16. They keep saying they can not live without the abused friend.
17. They blame the abused friend for all their problems.
18. They break or hit things to intimadate the abused friend.
19. They are self centred and don't take responsibility for bad things they do or say.
20. They are frequently insincere in their repentance. The are quick to say they will never do it again but the abusive behaviour never ends.
21. They harm children and animals as well as partners..

We need to empower our youth on how to identify abusers. Let every body talk about this topic freely. The media need to educate citizens about abusive relationship.
If in an abusive relationship it is important to seek professional counselling services.

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By
Stephen Kamore

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